Here’s Why Not To Take the Roids

Steroids. We could talk about these fuckers all day. Are they good for you? Absolutely not. Are they bad for you? That depends.

There’s no question that they can get you freakish, mutant gains. That’s not up for debate. They’re basically artificial monster fuel for your body that can swell your muscles into a crazy mass of artificial form.

There’s also the downsides of it though — the insane sweeps of mood, the smelly sweatiness, and — perhaps worst of all — the shrunken gonads.

A lot of guys looking for quick, easy gains go right to steroids. Those men are cowards, afraid to work hard for big muscle.

But then there’s the bodybuilders. It’s near impossible nowadays to compete in the bodybuilding world unless you’re on the ‘roids. Almost every professional bodybuilder is juicing, and frankly, if you have aspirations of being Mr. Universe, you should probably hop on the Steroid Express, because otherwise you have got a better shot of making a snowman in Hell.

There’s plenty of ways to take steroids responsibly. Just because you’re on the juice doesn’t mean you have no control of the side effects. There’s nothing inherently wrong with them, and if you know how to take them and maintain a healthy balance of hormones, then you should be alright.

The biggest problem though, isn’t the steroids themselves. It’s what happens after you get off them.

You can’t take steroids forever. At some point, you gotta get off them.

And that’s when trouble strikes. You go from being an insanely buff, perfectly cut, five-plate squatting, three-plate benching, powerlifting freak of nature into a tiny, squirrelish shell of yourself.

Once you’re off the juice, that’s it. There goes all your hard work and dedication. All of the results you worked for for months just disappears into thin air.

ivanroidsI mean, look at this guy. That picture on the lft is insane. Dude is a powerhouse, a bulging, surging knot of veins and thick, freakish muscle. Flaring traps, armorlike shoulders, pulsing biceps, massive triceps and abs sheared from granite. All thanks to roids.

Now, check out his picture in 2009. Dude looks like he sells hot dogs or latkas or gyros in New York City somewhere. Worst of all, he’s got hair on his arms that are finding their way into his sauerkraut.


Here’s another dude. Look at him. On the left, he’s got arms like Hercules and legs like Jupiter. Shoulders of marble and traps that are basically attacking his skull. Insane. That’s a guy who’d be on the cover of muscle mag.

Then, we go to the guy on the right. Believe it or not, that’s the same dude. Seriously. He looks like he’s a high school wrestler trying to make weight. Like he’s just puked up several raw egg concoctions. Trying to climb the rope in the gym. The transformation is insane and brutal.


Then there’s this dude. In my mind, he’s Jason.  On the left, Jason’s a graceful son of Olympus. A god cut from bronze, a creature of perfect, refined muscle. Thanks, roids, for giving us Jason.

Then, Jason went off the roids, and became the dude on the right. Looking like he just came fresh off a meal of grass and some acorns, believe it or not, that’s the same guy. There goes all that hard work — that’s the effect that going off the juice has on you.

The bottom line is this: roids can be good, and roids can be bad, but don’t take roids because as much good as it does to you, it has the effect of making you look worse than you did before. It’s like the ugly girl standing next to the decent-looking girl.  Nobody wants to be the ugly girl.



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