Yoga pants are the fucking greatest. You know it, I know it…everyone knows it. They can make even a Droopy Dog ass look like two perfect melons in a spandex package. They are truly God’s gift to man.
Where would we be without them?
There’s a weird allure to yoga pants. Obviously, it leaves little up to the imagination, and that makes sense — you’re essentially seeing it all. When we see them online, they’re mostly in the form of gym selfies on instagram, or pictures on Facebook of random girls that you met once in 10th grade who are now heavy into the self-obsessed gym culture of the 21st century.
Which is why I think yoga pants are so fantastic. They’re like the Che Guevara of pants — fighting to take back something sacred for the people. Yoga pants transcend culture, race, age… they’re truly the key to world peace.
Best of all, they’re nearly ubiquitous now. Everyone sees the insanely-fit 40-something in your neighborhood going for her daily run while you drive by and nearly get in a wreck. Everyone knows the girl in the office who’s always on the way to the gym. For some reason, she’s always wearing yoga pants…and you can’t help but look. Don’t worry, we got you covered.
Here’s five of the absolute greatest yoga pants of all time, and why they’re the greatest.
1. The Classic
So simple, this. No frills. Simple, grey pants. Classic black bra. White walls. Nothing that draws your eye away form the beauty of that behind — just an easy invitation into the Kingdom of Yogastonia, and that’s all you can really ask for when it comes to yoga pants. You don’t need anything else besides a nice pair of buns in a yoga blanket like this.
I love the mystery behind this shot too. Who is in control of such a fantastic pair of pants and such a mindblowingly round derriere? I don’t think we’ll ever know. And I’m okay with that.
2. The Classy
Look at this one. Everything about this picture just shrieks class. Look at those ornamental flowers. The incredible design on the chests beside her. The elegant Persian rug. The classy oil painting hanging in the background.
Oh, and then there’s the girl. Right. Just look at those pants. The neon-blue band tells you that she’s a fun-loving, out-doorsy, athletic type of girl, but the dramatic lighting on her bum shows that she’s also got a bit of class and experience to her. I mean, just look at that detail!
You can also see the rest of her, which is very welcome. She’s got a fantastic Lara Croft-esque hair and facestyle, which is nice. And look at that smile — she knows those pants are doing their job. All in all, a fantastic picture.
3. The Two For One
What’s better than one pair of yoga pants? Well, that’s easy — two pairs of yoga pants.
Look at these two athletic pixies wearing these simple pants. Love it. They’re at the gym, so those aren’t ornamental yoga pants. Nope, these girls are serious yoga pantsers. Hell, they might even have just been doing a bit of yoga.
The tongue-out is nice too. It’s not Miley Cyrus-level tongue(thank God) but it’s subtle and simple. It informs you that they’ve got a bit of a wild side outside of the simple life of a sexy, yoga pants-wearing fitness chick.
Ultimately, it’s the combo of the two. A jet can’t fly with just one engine, can it? Just like this pic. The inclusion of a partner-in-yoga-crime for the bird snapping the photo is an essential piece of the yoga-pic puzzle.
Oh, and the endless mirror illusion? Subtle, but well-played. Nicely done, ladies.
4. The Thong.
Oh, the thong. For a while, the thong was the greatest invention of mankind, until yoga pants became the top dog in female derriere drapery.
Now, I’m starting to think they might be able to take over the world by working in tandem. They’re like the booty Tango and Cash. One rough around the edges, reckless and full of spunk. The other by the books, elegant and intelligent. Together, they’re unstoppable — able to escape from maximum security prisons and blow up mega-millionaire compounds with an APC.
I mean, just look at that. Truly incredible. I rest my case
5. The Deadlift
It’s good to see things being used how they were intended. Although this ain’t yoga, it’s great to see yoga pants go back to their roots, helping women stay fit and cause a rumble in the jungle(if you catch my drift) simultaneously.
Those pants are out of this world! Her form is terrible, but her form is amazing. I mean, I nearly pulled a groin muscle just looking at this picture. I’m most impressive is that she’s even able to do any sort of work like that with heels that would be out of place in Heavy Metal. Who honestly wears those? Apparently women with amazing asses in yoga pants when they go to work out.
Regardless of her technique and ability, this picture is amazing in that it forces you to work out. I’ve got a nice sweat going, and my wrists are tired. You’re welcome.