Gather ’round children, because today we’re going to learn about Tijuana hookers.
When it comes to the sex tourism, Tijuana is a highly underrated destination.
Tijuana has some major advantages that many men just don’t know about:
- Contrary to popular belief, the hookers are smokin’ hot.
- STD testing is mandatory.
- You get MAJOR bang for your buck.
I remember the first time I went to Tijuana looking for a prostitute.
I was young and stupid and walked up to a streetwalker.
She had a dick.
Don’t get me wrong, she was a very nice lady. I just don’t swing that way.
So I asked her where I could find a prostitute who had like a proper lady vagina.
She was kind enough to send me to a magical place that changed my life.
I’ve been doing this a while now so trust me on these tips. Regardless, they’ll all make sense by the end of my story.
- Bring your own condoms. Seriously, the ones they give you are terrible.
- Bring lube. Remember, these girls are pros. They get about as wet as they would from a visit to the gyno.
- These girls are hot. If you’re concerned about not getting all the bang for your buck, consider bringing a certain pharmaceutical.
- The girls that you can only by drinks for are there for that only. I don’t care who you are, you can’t convince them to sleep with you. Don’t waste your money.
- Please stay away from the street girls.
Where To Find Legit Tijuana Hookers
Tijuana, Baja California
(More Tijuana brothel recommendations below.)
Ahh, Adelita. What a remarkable place. They call themselves a gentleman’s club. And they do have an impressive strip club.
But let’s be real.
This place is a brothel.
Adelita is actually the oldest brothel in Zona Norte. In my opinion, it’s the best.
The first time I walked in, I could not believe how beautiful the women were. It was 1am on a sunday night and this place was packed with the hottest girls I had ever seen.
I spotted one sitting in a club chair in the strip club area. “That’s the one,” I thought. “I’m going to nail the shit out of her.”
So I walked up to her and awkwardly introduced myself. She said her name was Lupe. I worked up my courage and asked her if she would go upstairs with me.
I thought I was in.
Turn’s out, Lupe’s not a hooker. Basically, you buy her drinks in exchange for conversation.
Don’t really get it. Not my cup of tea. But whatever floats your boat.
So I kept looking and found a girl names Sol. She wasn’t at hot at as Lupe, but she was a solid 9 and she was actually a hooker.
I’m telling you, these girls are hot.
So Sol told me I needed to get a hotel room for us. Yes, Adelita has a hotel right upstairs. And the rooms are not the gross prison-cell-like rooms you’re picturing. These rooms are legit.
How It Works
You’re probably thinking, what’s the catch? Is the hotel room like $600 or something?
That’s what I was thinking.
There’s no catch.
I went to the hotel counter to get the room.
It was $11 an hour. You pay the woman and she hands you three things:
1. A room key.
2. Fresh sheets.
3. A condom.
So I grabbed them and Sol led me to a very nice hotel room. It was like a slightly run down boutique. Pretty nice.
My First Sexual Experience With A Tijuana Hooker
Sol and I were in the hotel room. She took the sheets from me and made the bed. Sol could tell I was nervous so she tried to make me feel comfortable. She said I had nice eyes. I simply said, thanks. I was so nervous, I couldn’t even come up with a compliment for her.
The small talk wasn’t working.
So Sol asked me in her cute broken English if I wanted to watch “cartoons.”
That means what you’re probably guessing it means.
She turned the TV on. It was playing porn.
I sat on the bed and she started rubbing my arms and chest. I was so frozen that she started taking my clothes off for me.
I caught on and started taking off my pants and boxers.
My dick was completely limp.
“You need to relax, papi.” she said.
Yes, there’s lots of “papi” talk, just like in the movies.
She stood in front of me and started doing a bit of a strip tease. Her body was seriously perfect. Sol was like 22 years old. She had amazing olive skin and her breasts were perky handfuls.
Once her dress was off, I could see her sexy, dark landing strip. (This was the 90s. That was still a novelty back then.)
She turned around, bent over, grabbed the edge of the table and stuck her ass out at me.
Okay, that had Captain Cromwell standing at attention.
This made her smile.
She grabbed the condom from the nightstand and opened the wrapper. She rolled it down Captain Cromwell and said, “I give you suck, papi.”
Now, picture what it’s like to get a blowjob through a condom.
Now picture the condom is a cheap Mexican condom about as thick as a dish glove.
As lame and useless of a blowjob you’re imagining this is, it’s even worse. Nothing can prepare you for how pointless a blowjob through a condom is. You just have to experience it for yourself so you can think, yup this is way more lame than I ever imagined.
After about 30 seconds I said, “Sol can we have the sex now?”
“Si papi, si.”
She pushed me back and climbed on top of me. She straddled me and started riding up and down slowly.
Pretty good. Pretty, pretty good.
Then something horrible happened.
She started moaning and unloading a whole lot of “oh, papi.”
Sol was hot as shit, but a terrible actress.
The last thing I needed was the sound of a hooker pretending that we were “making love.”
I put up with it for a minute, but enough was enough.
“Sol, look, can you please just act real.”
“What you mean, papi?”
To this day, I can’t believe what I said next.
“We both know you don’t really want to be here and I’m totally okay with that. So just be yourself.”
We didn’t talk much after that.
But it seems like that’s what I needed to say to get my mojo back. Because for the rest of the hour, we just fucked.
More Tijuana Brothels
Calle Coahuila 2009
Tijuana, Baja California
Calle Coahuila 2004
Tijuana, Baja California